Bhikkhuni Dhammananda: A Lesson on Forgiveness, by Cindy Rasicot
Introduction
I have been blessed in this life to have a wise and loving Thai Theravada teacher, Venerable Dhammananda Bhikkhuni. Bhikkhuni Dhammananda Mahatheri defied convention to become the first woman fully ordained in the Thai Theravada Buddhist tradition. She had to go to Sri Lanka to receive ordination because Thailand does not permit monks to ordain women. To put that in perspective, at the time Venerable Dhammananda received full ordination in 2003, there were approximately 300,000 male monks in Thailand, and she was the lone Theravada nun.
Roshi Joan Halifax wrote this about Venerable Dhammananda. “I look to Venerable Dhammananda and her great community of novices and nuns as a revolutionary force for good for the future of Buddhism in the world. Her story, her life, and her courage are an example to all of us of what it means to speak truth to power, to stand in integrity, and to manifest unconditional wisdom and compassion.”
I first met Venerable Dhammananda at a conference shortly after moving to Bangkok with my husband and thirteen-year-old son in 2005. I attended an afternoon workshop called “Faith, Feminism, and the Power of Love.” My first impression was a tall, slender Thai woman dressed in saffron robes and flip-flops. Her head was a fuzzy crown of black shaven hair, and she wore thin gold wire-rimmed glasses. She possessed a quiet confidence as she spoke, and I still recall her words: “We cannot solve anything with anger. Anger does not lead us anywhere. It is much harder to practice loving-kindness and compassion. That is the goal of Buddhism.”
I felt chills as if she were speaking directly to me. I had struggled with anger all my life and intuitively knew I was blocked somehow, stuck in a negative cycle of resentment, sadness, and fear. I had never encountered anyone, particularly a Buddhist woman and a feminist, who spoke so quietly and radiated such a soft light. Her kindness was contagious, and I believe what drew me to her was my absolute faith in the power of her love.
In the twenty years since I have known Venerable Dhammananda, she has taught me everything I know about coping with my anger and practicing forgiveness. The following teaching is an excerpt taken from the chapter eight on forgiveness in my latest book, This Fresh Existence: Heart Teachings from Bhikkhuni Dhammananda, published by Windhorse Publications in April 2024.
Practicing Forgiveness in Venerable Dhammananda’s Words
Opening our hearts to love others unconditionally is what leads us on the path to forgiveness A mother’s love is a good example of unconditional love. A mother can forgive her children no matter what they have done. Other people may judge her children for their mistakes, but a mother’s love remains constant. The real question is: can you really love your enemies the way you love your children? That is the true meaning of loving-kindness.
Loving unconditionally starts by learning to forgive ourselves. So many people have difficulty forgiving themselves. How do you learn to love yourself? We can learn to practice loving kindness towards ourselves by focusing inward and mindfully examining our own behavior. For example, if another person is being criticized, we notice it but we are not upset. But if someone criticizes us, our anger rises and before we know it we react – we automatically want to get back at them. But just stop for a minute, look at yourself and ask, “Have I ever made the same mistake?”
Anger is a particularly challenging emotion for most of us to forgive, but meditation practice can help us learn to cope. The practice of mindfulness can be compared to looking at life through a magnifying glass, things are enlarged, and we can see each part in minute detail, rising and falling away. Without the practice of meditation, we do not realize that this is the way everything happens; it rises and falls away.
Anger and hatred can be very deep rooted, like when you grow a plant. By watering the seeds of hatred, we are nurturing the plant to grow into a very large tree, which not only affects you, it affects other people. I have a good example of this from my own life. Thai people of my generation were brought up to believe that the Burmese are our unforgiveable enemies. Throughout Thai history there have been many wars with the Burmese when they came in and attacked us, burning and destroying property, desecrating Buddha statues. We told ourselves stories about the Burmese. If we heard loud noises in the house we would say, “You scared me, I thought the Burmese were coming to get us.” We were brought up to hate, refuse, and deny the Burmese. Therefore, many of us, like my sister, refused to go to Myanmar.
The very first thing I did after I was ordained was travel to Myanmar to visit Shwedagon, the magnificent stupa. I went there to bow to the Buddha and experience the sacred energy at this site. I acknowledged that whatever stories I had learned about the Burmese – truthful or not – I forgave them. I also asked for their forgiveness because I did not know how my own hatred may have harmed them in the past.
When countries are fighting, you don’t know who is cutting off whose head. So, we ask for forgiveness for the harm we may have done. This is a very important message to understand: that in the process of practicing forgiveness you are healing yourself and making yourself whole again.
When living in community, inevitably conflict happens. If we are willing to examine our behavior and acknowledge our share in causing the conflict, we can learn to live harmoniously with others. We acknowledge that we may have done something wrong or said something hurtful to the other person. Once we take responsibility for our behavior, we can go to the other person, admit when we make a mistake and ask for forgiveness. By doing this, we start to generate genuine loving-kindness and compassion towards others, and this loving-kindness is the basis for creating harmonious communities.
About the author
Cindy Rasicot is a retired psychotherapist and the author of This Fresh Existence: Heart Teachings from Bhikkhuni Dhammananda. This book tells the remarkable life of Venerable Dhammananda and shares her gentle wisdom about how to live a more powerful and compassionate life. In 2005, Cindy travelled to Thailand with her family where she met Bhikkhuni Dhammananda—an encounter that changed her life forever. In 2020 she wrote the award-winning memoir Finding Venerable Mother: A Daughter’s Spiritual Quest to Thailand. Her memoir is a soulful story of spiritual healing through her loving connection with Bhikkhuni Dhammananda. The book was a finalist in the international Book awards, The Sarton Awards, and Chanticleer International Book Awards.
Cindy received novice temporary ordination twice from Bhikkhuni Dhammananda at her all-female monastery, Songdhammakalyani Temple, in Nakon Pathom, Thailand. She hosts the YouTube program, Casual Buddhism, a series of conversations with Venerable Dhammananda about spiritual issues and Buddhist practices. Guests have included Jack Kornfield, Sylvia Boorstein, Joan Halifax, and many others. The link for the program is https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCcMU-5kE2ux_PbRPwT6HMOg. Cindy lives in Pt. Richmond, California, where she enjoys beautiful views of the San Francisco Bay. Learn more about Cindy at www.cindyrasicot.com.
About the book This Fresh Existence: Heart Teachings of Bhikkhuni Dhammananda
Bhikkhuni Dhammananda defied convention to become the first woman fully ordained in the Thai Theravada Buddhist tradition. Dubbed “Rebel Monk” by the Thai press, she faced enormous opposition by the media, the public, and senior orthodox Thai monks. She has given a fresh existence to the ancient tradition.
What makes this book unique is that it’s a story of beating the odds, courage, and making history, in Bhikkhuni Dhammananda defying orthodoxy, and establishing the women’s lineage of Theravadin monastics.
American author Cindy Rasicot became her student and disciple in 2005. This compelling book tells the story of Venerable Dhammananda’s remarkable path from TV personality, author, academic, wife, and mother to ordained bhikkhuni. Cindy Rasicot writes beautifully of their relationship, and shares Bhikkhuni Dhammananda’s gentle wisdom and direct insights about how to live a more powerful and compassionate life.
Bhikkhuni Dhammananda: A Lesson on Forgiveness, by Cindy Rasicot
I have been blessed in this life to have a wise and loving Thai Theravada teacher, Venerable Dhammananda Bhikkhuni. Bhikkhuni Dhammananda Mahatheri defied convention to become the first woman fully ordained in the Thai Theravada Buddhist tradition. She had to go to Sri Lanka to receive ordination because Thailand does not permit monks to ordain women. To put that in perspective, at the time Venerable Dhammananda received full ordination in 2003, there were approximately 300,000 male monks in Thailand, and she was the lone Theravada nun.
Roshi Joan Halifax wrote this about Venerable Dhammananda. “I look to Venerable Dhammananda and her great community of novices and nuns as a revolutionary force for good for the future of Buddhism in the world. Her story, her life, and her courage are an example to all of us of what it means to speak truth to power, to stand in integrity, and to manifest unconditional wisdom and compassion.”
I first met Venerable Dhammananda at a conference shortly after moving to Bangkok with my husband and thirteen-year-old son in 2005. I attended an afternoon workshop called “Faith, Feminism, and the Power of Love.” My first impression was a tall, slender Thai woman dressed in saffron robes and flip-flops. Her head was a fuzzy crown of black shaven hair, and she wore thin gold wire-rimmed glasses. She possessed a quiet confidence as she spoke, and I still recall her words: “We cannot solve anything with anger. Anger does not lead us anywhere. It is much harder to practice loving-kindness and compassion. That is the goal of Buddhism.”
I felt chills as if she were speaking directly to me. I had struggled with anger all my life and intuitively knew I was blocked somehow, stuck in a negative cycle of resentment, sadness, and fear. I had never encountered anyone, particularly a Buddhist woman and a feminist, who spoke so quietly and radiated such a soft light. Her kindness was contagious, and I believe what drew me to her was my absolute faith in the power of her love.
In the twenty years since I have known Venerable Dhammananda, she has taught me everything I know about coping with my anger and practicing forgiveness. The following teaching is an excerpt taken from the chapter eight on forgiveness in my latest book, This Fresh Existence: Heart Teachings from Bhikkhuni Dhammananda, published by Windhorse Publications in April 2024.
Practicing Forgiveness in Venerable Dhammananda’s Words
Opening our hearts to love others unconditionally is what leads us on the path to forgiveness A mother’s love is a good example of unconditional love. A mother can forgive her children no matter what they have done. Other people may judge her children for their mistakes, but a mother’s love remains constant. The real question is: can you really love your enemies the way you love your children? That is the true meaning of loving-kindness.
Loving unconditionally starts by learning to forgive ourselves. So many people have difficulty forgiving themselves. How do you learn to love yourself? We can learn to practice loving kindness towards ourselves by focusing inward and mindfully examining our own behavior. For example, if another person is being criticized, we notice it but we are not upset. But if someone criticizes us, our anger rises and before we know it we react – we automatically want to get back at them. But just stop for a minute, look at yourself and ask, “Have I ever made the same mistake?”
Anger is a particularly challenging emotion for most of us to forgive, but meditation practice can help us learn to cope. The practice of mindfulness can be compared to looking at life through a magnifying glass, things are enlarged, and we can see each part in minute detail, rising and falling away. Without the practice of meditation, we do not realize that this is the way everything happens; it rises and falls away.
Anger and hatred can be very deep rooted, like when you grow a plant. By watering the seeds of hatred, we are nurturing the plant to grow into a very large tree, which not only affects you, it affects other people. I have a good example of this from my own life. Thai people of my generation were brought up to believe that the Burmese are our unforgiveable enemies. Throughout Thai history there have been many wars with the Burmese when they came in and attacked us, burning and destroying property, desecrating Buddha statues. We told ourselves stories about the Burmese. If we heard loud noises in the house we would say, “You scared me, I thought the Burmese were coming to get us.” We were brought up to hate, refuse, and deny the Burmese. Therefore, many of us, like my sister, refused to go to Myanmar.
The very first thing I did after I was ordained was travel to Myanmar to visit Shwedagon, the magnificent stupa. I went there to bow to the Buddha and experience the sacred energy at this site. I acknowledged that whatever stories I had learned about the Burmese – truthful or not – I forgave them. I also asked for their forgiveness because I did not know how my own hatred may have harmed them in the past.
When countries are fighting, you don’t know who is cutting off whose head. So, we ask for forgiveness for the harm we may have done. This is a very important message to understand: that in the process of practicing forgiveness you are healing yourself and making yourself whole again.
When living in community, inevitably conflict happens. If we are willing to examine our behavior and acknowledge our share in causing the conflict, we can learn to live harmoniously with others. We acknowledge that we may have done something wrong or said something hurtful to the other person. Once we take responsibility for our behavior, we can go to the other person, admit when we make a mistake and ask for forgiveness. By doing this, we start to generate genuine loving-kindness and compassion towards others, and this loving-kindness is the basis for creating harmonious communities.
Cindy Rasicot is a retired psychotherapist and the author of This Fresh Existence: Heart Teachings from Bhikkhuni Dhammananda. This book tells the remarkable life of Venerable Dhammananda and shares her gentle wisdom about how to live a more powerful and compassionate life. In 2005, Cindy travelled to Thailand with her family where she met Bhikkhuni Dhammananda—an encounter that changed her life forever. In 2020 she wrote the award-winning memoir Finding Venerable Mother: A Daughter’s Spiritual Quest to Thailand. Her memoir is a soulful story of spiritual healing through her loving connection with Bhikkhuni Dhammananda. The book was a finalist in the international Book awards, The Sarton Awards, and Chanticleer International Book Awards.
Cindy received novice temporary ordination twice from Bhikkhuni Dhammananda at her all-female monastery, Songdhammakalyani Temple, in Nakon Pathom, Thailand. She hosts the YouTube program, Casual Buddhism, a series of conversations with Venerable Dhammananda about spiritual issues and Buddhist practices. Guests have included Jack Kornfield, Sylvia Boorstein, Joan Halifax, and many others. The link for the program is https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCcMU-5kE2ux_PbRPwT6HMOg. Cindy lives in Pt. Richmond, California, where she enjoys beautiful views of the San Francisco Bay. Learn more about Cindy at www.cindyrasicot.com.
About the book This Fresh Existence: Heart Teachings of Bhikkhuni Dhammananda
Bhikkhuni Dhammananda defied convention to become the first woman fully ordained in the Thai Theravada Buddhist tradition. Dubbed “Rebel Monk” by the Thai press, she faced enormous opposition by the media, the public, and senior orthodox Thai monks. She has given a fresh existence to the ancient tradition.
What makes this book unique is that it’s a story of beating the odds, courage, and making history, in Bhikkhuni Dhammananda defying orthodoxy, and establishing the women’s lineage of Theravadin monastics.
American author Cindy Rasicot became her student and disciple in 2005. This compelling book tells the story of Venerable Dhammananda’s remarkable path from TV personality, author, academic, wife, and mother to ordained bhikkhuni. Cindy Rasicot writes beautifully of their relationship, and shares Bhikkhuni Dhammananda’s gentle wisdom and direct insights about how to live a more powerful and compassionate life.